Sure I have been in touch with a couple of guys but just haven't been motivated to pursue anything with any of them. So recently when a friend mentioned she had a friend/former classmate who was interested in meeting me I wasn't ecstatic but I was game. My friend is one of the few genuine ones I've made here in Smallville but she's good people and I figured if nothing else, we'd (he was her husband's friend as well) all have a good time. And we did - just the right amount of alcohol practically insures it. Now, it wouldn't seem so from the outset that one would be at a disadvantage having dinner as a foursome but based on my history of previous "blind" dates we were. He and I only knew the other two parties and we were not truly forced (or really able) to carry on a private conversation as you would on a single "date". Apparently I got away with offering short answers (when I got to answer at all and that was part of the hilarity). From what I did learn during our evening out, I'd very likely be bored with this guy and I do bored very, very badly. Also he kept giving me what I guess was his "Come hither, Sexy" look which to me seemed to creep somewhere between anger and cockiness but I found it slightly unsettling either way. And shortly before we parted ways, he said "I will see you again"and with that look - it almost seemed like a threat. Somebody's gotta tell him about that.
Do I want to see this guy again - not a chance at least not privately. Why?? Just as I told my friend, putting the lack of attraction aside, I just didn't find this guy interesting or did I not find him attractive because he wasn't interesting??? Either way, I have zero interest in making another investment of my time with him ...at least not alone and not in a romantic sense to be certain. I'm trying my best to not be overly critical, there's no need, because I only spent a few hours with him and secondly, I appreciate my friend trying to set me up - though next time I'll make sure she reads this post first.
On the ride home my friend asked me what I wanted in a man and unfortunately I was better at telling her what didn't want (your friend) than I was at demystifying my "list". I've been thinking about it ever since and here's what I settled on (for now)
1.He should think I'm the most enchanting and interesting woman he's encountered in years!! :)
2. As far as physical attributes, I'm neither looking for the perfect black man nor the shining white knight. I've whittled it down to taller than me and in decent enough shape that walking 3-5 miles won't render him useless for the remainder of the day. If he's over 6" and easy on the eyes, all the better.
3. A dependable guy who keeps his word and assesses a good deal of his worth in his ability to do same.
4. Has a more cosmopolitan and eclectic world view than the average American - a Cultural omnivore - a sometime public radio listener, admirer of other news sources such as BBC News, Deutche Welle, CSPAN, Al Jazeera and functions or lectures given by the National Geographic Society, Cato and Brookings Institutes to name a few.
5. Someone who's willing to pick up a book other than the Bible, Qur'an, Tipitaka, etc. , enjoys being out - to a movie (that is very possibly subtitled) concerts, a lecture, a B&B or simply a park.
6. Kind, Empathic and Goal oriented.
7. With the price of gas, he should definitely live within 100 miles
8. Willing to try almost anything ...once.
9. Loves family and is committed to its preservation but not unable to make a decision without consulting his Mama first.
10. Financially stable - read: has all his own stuff. So, no Hell no, no he can not move in next month, borrow my car or $50. And if he invites me to dinner he's paying - I will offer but if he takes my money on a first date, we will never see each other again.
11. He who thinks it
12. He should want a woman in his life not need one -there is a very big difference.
13. He's should also shower daily and eat his veggies.
14. He should be able to quickly spot all the errors in this statement:
"like to pick you up and put down some rose peddles down as you waslk to the care and have a rose to show you that you are special laying across the seat , helping my date into the car , and greeting her on how nice she look like a gift from god and a blessing to this world and that i have no choice but to thank about the women that is with me , then i like to take my date to a very special place over looking the city and the water with candle light dinner and keeping her spoiled because the date should fill like its her birthday then a nice dance , a nice talk a nice walk then a nice drive and a nice smale, then i would love to thank my date and take gods cheild home safe, and i hope that we can do this agin".
I would be disingenuous if I allowed you to believe my prospective suitor possessed none of these qualities - he wasn't really bad on the eyes in a pudgy, elfish way and I'm pretty sure he'd showered that day but I'm seeking a bit more. Alas the search continues...Interviews aka dates complete with spell check available most weekends :)
Peace & Blessings,
* VBG *