The Chronicles of a VBG (Voluptuous Brown Gurl)

I couldn't have known how prophetic my last post was when I said  "... there must be a higher purpose for the delay" in starting school because the unthinkable occurred on what would have been the first day of class.  My Dad (not biologically but in every other manner imaginable for the last 29 years) was felled by a massive brain hemorrhage from which he never regained consciousness and led to his death a mere 3 days later. As I type this, I know I have not fully absorbed the loss that is as devastating for my Mom, daughter and myself as that chasm was to his brain. Even as I created a slide show in remembrance of him, shopped for his clothes - I insisted on a spiffy new tie - his flowers and coffin etc, I didn't cry but not because I held them back. I didn't cry because  I didn't feel the tears were there.  Now at half past 12 beginning day six, I feel a howl so deep it can't be heard.  For the first time in my life I truly understand what surreal ...

For the last 10 years, birthdays have always been about reflection and assessing future steps for me and this August 16th was no different.  In fact it was mostly about propelling myself forward as I scheduled a meeting with my UI case manager to finalize my decision about returning to school.  The unfortunate thing for me is that I will be unable to begin classes until January's spring semester. I was so looking forward to starting school right along with my high school freshman daughter. I am however becoming grounded and trusting enough to realize that having done all I could make sure the things under my control were taken care of in a timely manner, there must be a higher purpose for the delay. There are some immediate positives that come to mind with the delay; namely that I am the chairwoman for my daughter's Fall field hockey booster club so I can make it to all her home games - yeah - and also focus more on training for the Baltimore Half Marathon taking place ...

So a full 2 months into becoming a displaced worker, as the Commonwealth of PA refers to those of use who are in between careers, I'm doing fine. I did have a period of about 2 weeks where I totally thrown off by my lack of routine other than my a.m.walks. I never realized how much I identified myself thru my job even though it was so far from my life's calling. But I'm okay now, having returned from week-long vacation at Myrtle Beach, SC last Saturday with my extended family. My Lord did we have a wonderful time!!! We planned it in the Spring long before I knew about the impending career transition. Honestly that week was probably the best so far this year.  I love the idea of multiple generations being together.  Seven years ago my parents, my daughter and I were in Germany, Netherlands, and Luxembourg together.  This time there were 17 of us. My family is loud, opinionated, funny, gluttonous and slightly insane but I love them all.  And I am grateful for th...