Monday, March 12, 2012

The dating game and the perils of not using spellcheck...

I hate waiting.  I’ve said before patience is not my virtue and Lord knows that’s as true at 45 as it ever was. I especially hate waiting for a man to call me.  I guess I’m a bit old fashioned but I prefer that a man make the first call.   Maybe I should change that but men are naturally hunters and courting is a bit of a game. Problem is I seem to attract more than my share of those who are just playin’  – you know, the kind who enthusiastically says he’ll call and then doesn’t or does...3 months later like we just talked yesterday.  Granted I’m not just sitting by the phone twiddling my thumbs, I have a very full life and schedule but  if we want to end the way we begin then keeping one’s word is the best way to ensure there will be something worth beginning.



This Mocha eye candy is Ghanaian actor Van Vicker.
Despite seeming contrary to natural laws, I don’t easily attract the attention of my fellow mocha peeps. So I tend (like most folks I guess) to gravitate toward those who dig me and since my teen years there has always been a guy of another ethnicity, usually white,  who thought I rocked and went out of his way to let me know it.  I’ve also found that I always had to explain myself or my semi-eccentric tastes to men you'd think I'd have more in common with than just melanin.  Now, I'm finally getting some attention from some men who look like me.  The most promising recent communication was from a tall, handsome mocha man whose messages were neither filled with typos and grammatical errors nor sexual innuendos…okay there was one but it was in response to a question I answered in my profile and he did it very tactfully.  Now, I know all black men are neither illiterate nor "playas". There are lots of decent black men - my beloved and recently departed father - the best of them all.  The rest are already spoken for it seems (sigh).  But I do believe that too many of them feel they don’t have to bring their A game when seeking a match. Perhaps they know they are a precious commodity, according to  that oft-repeated GBM (good black man) shortage statistic I've been hearing for the last 25 years.  I'm also starting to believe, sadly, men online fall into one of two categories - scared, horny men just out of relationships and really pissed off guys - some profiles are so snakry and men why bother?  Anyway, this guy, Chris, had actually read my profile  and asked intelligent questions regarding it.  After a week of emails, we exchanged numbers.  He initially said to feel free to call him but I asked him to initiate a call this weekend. He said "Cool. Will do".   By late Sunday evening that call hadn't materialized.  And no, I don't think it would be okay for me to call since we agreed he'd do the calling. I intend to let a man handle his business.

As I’ve gotten older, I have wondered if I should have engaged more of those who avidly pursued me which of course included some mocha dudes. So I decided last year that I’d date any man (who didn't strike me as dangerous of course) who thought I rocked.  That included an ass-grabber, a wannabe German teacher, and one who seriously thought I couldn't refuse his offer to perform the oral arts on me in his car because he "had no privacy at home" - seriously! They were all non-Mochas not that it matters, craziness traverses skin tone easily.  In the last two months I was contacted by half dozen of my fellow mochas.  Here are the highlights and I use that term very loosely:  Dave - after a series of  missed calls on both ends  and one brief exchange, he decided to communicate ONLY via text and brief or cryptic ones at that.  First off I just, I mean 2012 just, subscribed to unlimited texting on my phone and it's primarily for use with my wunderkind. He never followed up the texts with calls - possibly because I didn't answer him after the first. We are not in 10th grade. Pick up the damn phone and talk to a lady properly, is that really too much to ask? Then I got a message from another guy, I’ll call Nick because I genuinely don’t remember his name.  We exchanged a few messages and then I suggested an exchange of numbers and a real phone conversation.  (Not doing this, you remember is how I got in trouble with the Austrian aka the German teacher. See my October 1st post for more on him)  Well I took a few days to respond to a message. I was busy and I forgot to check my email. Some of us don't care to be digitally connected every minute of the day, says the gurl with the blog :) Obviously some other women pissed him off too but I got the brunt of his scorn. He went off on me in his last email saying that he asked my name 3 times and I wouldn't divulge it. I don’t recall not telling him and if I didn't it was definitely an oversight. My pics are splattered all over a dating site (or two) for pete's sake - that's not someone in hiding, hello?  He also fumed that I took too long to respond to his messages and how did I know someone else was not pursuing him while I'm taking my sweet time getting back to him. Note to Nick- seeking a man is not ALL I have to do in this world. Now I realize that he was likely just venting  just as I am doing here but I have ZERO interest getting to know anyone better who would scold me almost as an introduction.  So I politely said "I wish you all the best in your search" and blocked him from messaging me further.

Then there was the latest grammatically challenged and error laden message.  The worse one yet; so bad in fact i had to show my Mama and I rarely share anything about my dating life with her - she doesn't approve of online dating.  And now I'm showing you too, dear reader because it's both hilarious and sad.  This is the response to first date ideas "like to pick you up and put down some rose peddles down as you waslk to the care and have a rose to show you that you are special laying across the seat , helping my date into the car , and greeting her on how nice she look like a gift from god and a blessing to this world and that i have no choice but to thank about the women that is with me , then i like to take my date to a very special place over looking the city and the water with candle light dinner and keeping her spoiled because the date should fill like its her birthday then a nice dance , a nice talk a nice walk then a nice drive and a nice smale, then i would love to thank my date and take gods cheild home safe, and i hope that we can do this agin".  And no I didn't answer him, language errors like that are serious pet peeves with me and while I wasn't an English major, I think that in your 40s you should know that peddles is a verb not part of a rose,  that smale, fill, and thank are not the same as smile, feel and think, even if you pronounce them that way. Don't they teach children how to spell child in kindergarten? He said he graduated high school! I am not trying to be mean but I am certain my prodigious 1st grade neighbor, Jocee, could have written that much better. You have to turn spell check off most devices these days, somebody help a brotha out PLEASE...

And then  after a puzzling 3 month silence, the Austrian decided to message me again recently.  And after his third message I kindly responded with this: 'Glad you’re doing well. I don’t mean to be overly presumptuous (or bitchy) but I have no intention of picking up our previous chats. You can give me a call if you’d like to talk otherwise I genuinely wish you the very best in your date search and life. VBG"  Needless to say, I haven’t heard from his sorry Teutonic ass either but that was actually the goal...score! 

Yes, I have genuinely forgotten to call folks when I had every intention of following through.  Far too often recently, I might add.   Will Tall Handsome Mocha one call and this post have been for naught?  Only he knows but I can say if he does call but doesn’t acknowledge the missed call or waits several weeks to call, there probably won't be anything I'll want to say to move things forward. And yes of course, the problem could be with me but I  won't own it, if we never got to talk/meet in the first place. You can at least give me credit for wishing everyone well in their search and I genuinely do.  Just because I'm not right for you doesn't mean I believe you deserve happiness any less than I do.

I keep asking my dear departed Dad to intercede for me and unfortunately, it looks like he is - he was a notorious prankster! I have had some fun dates and some so crazy and/or short, I  don't know if they qualify to be called dates. I've heard dating is a numbers game and I must stay in it if I want any real chance of having a future housemate who doesn't shed, purr, and lick himself incessantly. So the quest goes on. As my mama says, one Chris, I mean monkey, don’t stop no show but they sure can make it a lot less fun sometimes. 

1 comment:

Teri's Trek said...

You have GOT to be kidding me! That email that you pasted....alarmingly bad! Man. You get extra, extra credit for wishing them well in their quest.