Monday, July 9, 2012

Should I stay or should I go

The last 11 days or so or so have been a bit odd for me.  I have prided myself on the fact that while I've never been there the Caribbean has never held much appeal for me but when I got Groupon  offering a cheap getaway to Puerto Rico, I had to consider it.  Now you can believe that if someone said "I have free ticket, you wanna..." I'd be packing before the sentence was finished even if it was in the Caribbean. That's  just my m.o. where travel is concerned. Anyway, I looked up the airfare and it was definitely reasonable - direct flights for about $350 round-trip/pp are easy to find. Plus, I'd already scheduled a couple days off around my birthday next month and I'm always off on Mondays so I could easily swing the 5 day, 4 night trip that was advertised. My Mom even said she'd like to come along which was a surprise.
So why almost 2 weeks after seeing that offer have I still not booked our vacation?  I am not someone who takes forever to make up my mind. If I take more than 12 hours to give you answer it is almost definitely a "no". Although, I will often change it just as fast I made it up - hey it's woman's prerogative, y'all know that. When it comes to travel I just need to check to see if I can fit it in the schedule and budget. I don't vacation on credit only because I think it's something well worth spending the cash for. Too bad that was the only thing I didn't do on credit - but that's fodder for another post. Anyway, I do have the money and I have no ambivalence about spending it. I'm good at spending. In fact I already gave the money to my Mom since she wanted the AMEX points. In the wee hours of July 4th I did actually input all our passenger info into both Expedia (or Travelocity - what's the difference really) & AMEX to purchase the vacation and neither would  aloow me to proceed with the purchase. Maybe their servers were doing their procesing for the night but I took it as a sign to go to bed. I spent most of July 4th except for a couple hours at a neighbor's festivities trying to find just the right accommodations to no avail.

By the next day I mentioned to my Mom that never in my life have I ever delayed in making travel plans so I told her if it wasn't resolved by Friday evening, then I would take that as a sign that instinctively this trip would not be beneficial for us.  Well a few more hours and by 8:30 I was no closer to booking than I had been in January when I wasn't even thinking about vacation.  I had nothing! Seems like I'm going with my gut right?  But  as I drove home that evening and tried to explain to my 15 yr old why we were very likely going to end up at an amusement park or two rather than some island paradise, it occurred to me that our last family vacation truly turned our to be our LAST family vacation in that my Dad was dead exactly 1 month later.  So I began to wonder if perhaps my delay is really fear.  Not fear of flying or vacationing in general but that another family vacation will result in the loss of another family member.  Now if there is one thing I work hard to tackle it's fear but this time I'm not sure if it's instinct or fear or a combination.

Since the wunderkind was 8, she's always gone away. Usually to a week long over night camp (for several weeks) and in recent years to Williamsburg and Orlando as well. This will be the first year, she's not gone anywhere. Try though I might, I just couldn't talk her into camp this year.  And her father has not yet confirmed with me his invitation for her to spend a week with him and in all likelihood won't. And yes, I would still let her go - it would be a payment of sort and a vacation. True I had many a summer vacation that was a staycation long before the term was cool, and I turned out okay - I guess. I only know of two families who go on vacation with out fail every year.  Heck, the kid's only 15 and has been to 4 countries outside her birthplace, it took me more than 30 years to accomplish that. I guess feel a bit guilty because this VBG will be going to Las Vegas this Fall. Truth be told, I did ask her if she wanted to come along but she has declined numerous times so now I'm really looking forward to some Mommy down-time. The first time I've been away from her since she was 4! It won't be all fun and games though as I'll be attending the Be Blogalicious conference to learn just how limitless my little portion of cyberspace can become. Who am I kidding - it's gonna be all fun and games - just structured recreation most of the time :)

So dear readers help me out - Do you think I should stare fear in face and book the dang trip? Or should I just trust my gut, take a few drops of rescue remedy, and forget about a family vacation this year and have a blast in Vegas?

Peace and Blessings,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Please DO GO! If you have the funds, the time, and the airfare availability, take those as signs that Puerto Rico is calling you to come.. FOCUS on the potential of the trip & imagine how you will feel when you get there - Yazz, your mom, & YOU are enjoying girls time on the white sands of PR! This is your opportunity to get beyond the grieving period and get on course to living every moment to it's fullest (I'm sure just as your dad would want). Sondra :)